Worst Christmas Ever.

Just looking at the title reminds me of the compilation of twitter posts from angry teenagers around the country upset about not getting an Iphone 6. This is not that kind of story.
In fact, this was suppose to be the best holiday season to date. This year has been the first year I have not had to work since high school (roughly 11 years). I have been excited that we would get to spend three full days at both of our families homes.
I know that good holidays don't really happen, you make them happen. Unfortunately, I have not been feeling well due to pregnancy and I did not have the energy to get the tree up. But who needs a tree when you will be gone for a week, right? I also failed to make Christmas cards, which I have done for the last 7 years. Because I did not decorate, it never really felt like Christmas until we arrived at my in-laws. (I'm sure the two funerals I attended added to that.)

After all that, I was still hopeful that I could turn it around with some baking. Since my in-laws don't do much cooking, we did most of it. I also baked some pretty awesome cupcakes: Gingerbread cupcakes with Lemon Butter cream frosting, and Pineapple right-side-up cupcakes. We watched holiday movies by the fire. It was really coming together.
Let us skip forward to the gifts. I love gifts. Not for the thing itself, but for the thought and effort that went into it. A good gift, you can look at and see that that person was thinking of you. That person was somewhere and thought, 'She would like this', or 'She could use this'. I'm not a picky person. I love stuff. I'm a collector of things. Each thing, I can look at and tell you where it came from, how much it cost, who gave it to me. My husband thinks I'm materialistic, but it's not that simple. It's almost an emotional thing. My grandfather is the same way. I think it's amazing how an emotion can attach to an object. I'm not talking everything though. I don't get attached to random objects. I mostly attach to things that thought went into. For instance, say that I was at a store, and I bought a flashlight. That flashlight wouldn't hold much value to me. Then, say that I went to a store looking specifically for a flashlight for a camping trip. That flashlight would remind me of that camping trip. Make sense??
Now I can properly explain why this Christmas was my worst.
At my in-laws, we decided to draw names for gifts this year. That means, I buy one gift, I get one gift. Pretty simple. They also like to take turns so we can see what each person received. It was also a secret up till that day of who got who. I had no idea who had my name. I tried figuring it out, but no luck. I was also worried, since the person who got my name waited till 3 days before Christmas to ask my husband what I wanted. I also found it odd that my husband had got me a gift, since we weren't doing that this year. I asked him why, he said that he wanted me to have something to open on Christmas. I didn't think much of it at the time, only that it was sweet. I thought, what if they couldn't find what I asked for and picked something else. In that case, no harm there, it's the thought, right? Well, it got to my turn. Everyone is watching. It was a small bag with a frame inside. I look to see what was framed. It was a note. A note saying that the thing she wanted to get me was not sold in the store, and that she ordered it, and it would be delivered. I felt a little disappointed. Then everyone started asking what I had received. The only way I could sum it up was as an 'IOU'. After saying those words, I felt the sadness. That feeling of being left out. The odd ball. Then they all went to the next person. After everyone’s excitement with each others gifts, I felt just awful.
It felt wrong to feel bad, but I really didn't know what to do. That's when my husband handing me his gift. It reminded me of what he said, about having something to open. It hit me. He knew. He didn't say anything and he knew. That hurt worse than the incident itself. At least if I had known, I would have prepared myself. Or bought the darn thing myself. I felt completely embarrassed. I have never truly felt accepted by his family. Now I feel ever more like an outsider. After all the cooking, and baking, and stockings (Oh yeah, I hang and fill stockings for whoever sleeps in the house on Christmas Eve. This year there were 9). I could feel the tears. So I packed up everything as fast as I could. We got in the car and I cried all the way home.
Obviously, I'm pregnant. Uncontrollable emotions come along with. Every feeling I have just comes out.
The days that followed were equally up and down. I couldn't shake those feelings. I cried most of Friday as well. Maybe once I actually receive it in the mail, I will feel better. I'm not really sure. Maybe I am being selfish, but it's not the gift itself that I'm so upset about. It's remembering that feeling, sitting in that small room, everyone looking at me, and I have to show them a piece of paper. Or maybe it's the sigh from my sister in-law that she made after I said what I got. Or the look of my mother-in-law's face as she read the note for herself because I couldn't bare to read it in front of all of them.
This has been eating inside me for days. It feels so good to just get it out.

Life Changing News

Not sure if it's the allergy medicine kicking in or if the news is finally sinking in. This kind of news just is not letting me sleep.
My youngest stepdaughter came over last night with her boyfriend. I knew something was up when they just had to come over but they only had a couple hours to spend with us. When you have an hour drive, you tend to want to make it when you have a whole day to spend there. She had called me at noon but they didn't arrive till after 6pm or so. Just an ordinary evening in December. Christmas movies on the tv, casserole for dinner, pie for dessert, and Christmas crafts to try out. After all that, she asked us to sit down. At that point only a few options come into your head. She stumbled on words for a bit but then finally said it.

 "You're going to be Grandparents".

Excitement raced through my body. I have two stepdaughters and the oldest is 22. So I have been waiting for this to happen for a while. It's definitely a shock when the soon-to-be 17 year old tells you the news first. I was hoping my younger one would be done with school first. I guess God has other plans. The worry is really starting to sink in though. Which is why I am up at 5am. My mother had me when she was very young and it was an awful experience for her. My husband had a child when he was very young and he too had an awful experience. But I truly believe that those awful experiences where because they were with the wrong people. If you are not completely in love, having a child is very difficult. That is one thing I do not worry about. I know those two are completely in love. It's just going to be very hard to juggle school and work.

And here I thought getting rid of all my baby stuff was going to get me pregnant, I never imagined it would rub off on the girls.

Vegan, Nut Free Peppermint Bark

I woke up at 4 am and could not go back to sleep. We needed bread so I went to my local open 24 hour grocery store. While I was there, looking at all the holiday stuff, I saw the candy canes and was like, Why not? So I bought a pack of traditional red and white candy canes along with 2 bags of vegan & nut-free chocolate chips. I went home and started making peppermint bark. So easy and so good!
Take the candy canes out of the wrapping, put them in a sandwich bag (3 or 4 at a time). I use a meat tenderizer (vegans use them too) and pound out all the canes till they are small pieces. Melt the chocolate. Everyone melts chocolate different so I suggest you YouTube it if you are new to melting chocolate. Once all the chocolate is melted, mix in all the candy came pieces. Mix till you don't see the red and white, and till there is no more smooth chocolate. Once you have your chunky mixture, pour onto a cookie sheet line with parchment paper. You can also scoop into muffin papers or foil. Place in the fridge till hard. Break apart and enjoy.

Autumn 2012

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Purging

So I've taken on the task of going through Wednesdays toys and getting rid of some of them. Trying! Purging is one of the hardest things for me to do. I hate getting rid of things. When I was a child and I didn't like a toy, when I would ask if I could get rid of it my mother would insist I keep it. It was always something like, "But your aunt bought you that" or "That was expensive" or something of that sort that would make me feel guilty for even considering getting rid of it. I find myself having those same feelings towards my daughters things. I have a crazy good memory for where, when, and how much I bought something for.
It's that same reason as to why I cannot watch an episode of 'Hoarders'. I feel sympathy for them, I can relate. The anxiety from seeing something if value to you being taken away. It's not like these things have any large cash value, but when you have a child, you remember them getting these things and enjoying them. And now my daughter is outgrowing them, and getting so big. Where did my little toddler go? These things we have taking space in our house are a gateway to all these precious memories and the fear is that once the item is gone, there go the memories along with them. It's just sad how fast time goes.

The Merida Wig

For those of you that do not know who Merida is, she is the new princess from Disney's 'Brave' movie. I wanted to make a yarn wig because I've always wanted to do that. Plus I figured with the movies popularity that there would be a lot of 'Merida's walking around on Halloween night. I wanted my daughter to stand out a little bit. I never dreamed that this project would take so long! You can click on pictures to enlarge them. Blogger hates me and would not let me put them straight. I used Lion Brand Yarn in DaVinvi super bulky wool and acrylic mix in the dark red shades. Here is their facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/LionBrandYarns?ref=stream

First I bought a hat, sewed the front up to allow for her face.

Then I weaved yarn in a horizontal weave pattern.

I sewed yarn to the wig in vertical strips.

back of hat/wig. I basically made it so I could loop strands in wherever I needed them.

The wig with hair, with most of the hair. This is 4 yarn balls in, I ended up needing 6 altogether.

Curled it with perm rods, I used 7 different sizes but the smaller sizes worked best. Next time I will not use the bigger rods.

Soaked it in water all night. If you just spray it down it doesn't get wet enough to hold the water in.

Baked it in the oven at 200 degrees for 3 hours. It was still not dry, I was kind of in a rush to finish this before her Halloween party. 

Put it a bag and dryer for an hour. I was desperate and I know this sounds crazy. I filled the dryer with dry towels to help it dry and to protect the rods. I made sure it was on delicate and low heat. I also checked it about every 10 minutes.

The hood dryer was too small. Hahaha.

The finished wig. It turned out great!

Also some pictures of it in action. I did put an elastic strap under her chin to make it fit well. The Winter hat did start to stretch after all that water and drying.

Sheep

I recently visited a family farm. One of those family owned ones with strawberry picking in the spring and a pumpkin patch in the fall. They also have local produce as well as hay mazes and fun thing for the kids.
When we arrived there was a homeschool group there as well. First off I want to say that I have nothing against homeschooling. I think it's totally cool and I have many friends that homeschool or plan to homeschool. That being said, I also feel it is a huge responsibility to be accurate in what you teach your child since you're are their teacher.
This is where the sheep come in. I usually refrain from petting zoos and farms because I do not agree with some farming practices when it comes to the treatment of animals. I have done a good amount if research on all animals used in farms versus their life in the wild. I try to explain some of that to my child when we visit these farms.
This farm had what would be considered farm pets. They had a cage smaller than my bedroom that housed one small horse, two sheep and three ducks. They had the horse on a leash with a saddle, and the sheep had collars and leashes. Basically the owners would get one out at a time for visitors to pet or feed. The horse would give small children rides.
Ok, the sheep. I'm standing there with my daughter next to one of the homeschooling ladies and her daughter. We watched by the cage as the owner walked in to get the sheep out. The sheep noticed this and started darting all over the place trying not to get caught. That's when I heard the little girl next to me say, "Mommy, those sheep are dumb." Here I am thinking how can you think these animals are dumb?? They obviously don't want to be pet by strangers while tied on a leash. That's when I hear the mother answer her with, "Yes, sheep are very dumb animals."
Seriously??? Is this what the world has come to? Where we teach our child that animals are dumb and deserve to be treated like this? Forced to be tied up and live in a 10' by 10' cage? And if they don't like it then they are considered dumb.