Last Day

It has come.... The last day of freedom I would say. I'm not 100% positive that this will turn out completely awful, but I am about 88% sure it will. Not that I'm wishing bad luck on myself. I'm just saying. People don't usually change, and if they do, not in a years time. My heart is in my stomach. My stress is slowly rising like it is going on the high hill of a roller coaster. My adrenaline is sitting on the sidelines waiting for the 'ok' to come in. My husband and I are not quite on the same page at this point which is very bad. With a child you have to be on the same page. This house is a loving environment, and I feel like its about to be taken over by manipulation, rage, mistrust, demand, deceit, insult, intrusiveness, resistance, and just plain HATEFULNESS. Would you want all of those things in you home??? Your home is your refuge from all of those things. So why welcome it??

Some may say, 'She just needs love and support'.  My response: We gave her that for 3 years. We did everything for that little girl. And no, I will not go into details, because what we have done for her is a list to long to type. Something is wrong with her. We try to explain in as few words as possible to people and they just don't hear it. Wether it is because they don't want to believe us or they can't believe us. They think we are exaggerating or whatever, they JUST DON'T GET IT. Until that child lives in your house for an extended period of time, you just don't understand. For example, my mother-in-law has had her for a month, and we have received phone calls every night, and at one point she actually said, "I didn't believe you". REALLY???  NO!.........  So now she understands. Do not blame the parents for the child until you know the story. Because sooner or later, she will be in YOUR house and no one will take her away.

So, just something to think about. I have to go make sure all my valuables are behind lock and key, and anything breakable is not in arms reach. I'm afraid my stomach will stay in knots for a while. I anticipate spending a lot of time at the gym and/or friends houses, or anywhere but here. Lord, help me.

 

Black flowers for a black kind of day.